My First Ultra: Race Recap

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This was the first race I went in to feeling calm, zen-like and like I’d done everything I could do to prepare. My first ultra: a 50k. My first effort to run over a marathon. My first experience racing at night. Of course I wouldn’t to hit such a monumental moment by adding the challenge of running deep into the night onto the docket. But there we were, picking up our bibs, laughing with friends and family that had come to send us off, lining up in the corral waiting for the send off. 7pm came and it began…. we ran through the Start line and began the adventure of being able to say I was an “ultra”-runner. Not just a trail runner.

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The single track was smooth, pristine and rolling. Our conversations were effortless, laughing as we discussed Game of Thrones and the finale…how the four of us each claimed our own throne. We watched the moon begin to rise under a thin blanket of clouds…just wispy enough to make it hard to see without a headlamp.

Runners from the shorter races began to pass us, the leaders of the packs sprinting by, breathing heavily, sweating and working as we moved at an easier pace, our breathing wasn’t labored. It was a completely different feeling to not be pushing and to remember at only 8 miles in, we had hours to go.

When we hit the remote aid station, everyone rejoiced over orange slices, dates and gummy worms as the sky began to clear and the moon shone overhead. We snapped off our headlamps and ran in the dark, holding conversations with other runners we came across as we listened to their stories: finishing 100ks, pacing loved ones…everyone had so much to share, everyone has a story.

The second, shorter loop had a climb that we could see in the distance as we approached. All the headlamps dotting the side like twinkle lights, we could see the different runners spaced out on the ascent. What looked like it would be challenging wound up being really enjoyable as it gradually skirted the hill and dropped back over to meet the big loop. Dirt was flying up into our faces as other runners passed us by, heading into the finish line of their 15k and 25k distances with determination, I wanted to speed up with them! I wanted to feel that push! Again, I had to remember we were only 15.5 miles in to a 32 mile race. Patience was everything, ego had no room here.

Heading out again into the night, we were facing our second long loop and this time there was no light-hearted conversation, no funny jokes, no laughing. This time all of us were still, in our own minds, in our own zones. Battling our inner dialogues, our bodies, this effort. No one can prepare you for what you face when you challenge your mind and body in this way. No guide can describe the rollercoaster of emotions, the feelings, the doubts, the re-ignition…the depths you meet to keep pushing.

I felt it coming, the sharp itch in my throat that meant tears. I was 21 miles in and I’d pushed the last 5 a little too hard. “I can’t maintain this pace… I know you guys want to go faster and I’m holding you back”. My chest was burning, it was nearly 11:30pm and the mind was becoming a heavy presence. Taking shots of Gatorade I could feel a toenail that was detaching and a blister between my second and big toe that felt… alarmingly large. I tried to ignore them, nothing that can be done about them now. .

We left the aid station as @scott.edward1 reminded me we could slow down, we didn’t need to go faster, he didn’t want to and he only wanted us to finish. My nose began to sting and I felt a few tears well up, I was trying my best and my mind was trying to say my best wasn’t enough. But it was. We slowed our pace as my stomach ached, no longer wanting solid foods or gels.

Scott came up, running beside me massaging my neck, encouraging me as I let out a few frustrated tears. He held my hand in the dark with the big full moon over us and all the insects chattering. My mind started to calm and we ran into our final aid station with him reminding me I am strong the whole way.

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We went out for our last loop, me thinking “6 miles… I do this every Thursday morning. This is nothing now.” I put one headphone in and “Happy Song” by Bring Me The Horizon came on. The playlist I’d crafted a month earlier knew I needed that heavy guitar, the angst…and it worked. My legs sped up, my breathing stayed steady and I pushed before meeting up with Mikey on the backside descent of the hill we’d had to climb. For the last 3 miles we sprinted with what we had left and told each other there was no stopping, we were pushing through that finish line. My body tried to resist, but my mind stayed firm. So we did. And when we did, when we hit that finish line, tears came again because I didn’t reach this goal alone: it took every kind word, every cheer, every bit of support for me to get there.

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Gear used:

Racing tank + shorts: Janji Apparel

Shoes: Hoka One One SpeedGoat

Pack: Nathan FireBreaker 6L

Headlamp: BioLite

Chafing Cream: Squirrel’s Nut Butter (Vegan)

Gels: Spring Energy

Salt Tabs: SaltStick Fastchews

Recovery Aid: Runners High Herbals

I just want to start upping my mileage…how do I get there?

While some desire speed most, others are more interested in learning how to put in longer and longer distances. That is what my goal is and if you’re anything like me, sometimes wrapping your head around some of these bigger distances seems nearly impossible.

My first race was in October of 2018, the Sky Peaks 25k in Flagstaff which equals out to roughly 16 miles. A week before that I had never run over 10 miles. A week before. While there are some who are naturally gifted, some who have been in the running game since high school or have built up their long distance endurance with hiking, others of us really have to work to pursue those miles. For me, adding on mileage has never felt “easy” or “simple”. I feel those added miles and it took me nearly six months of running 5-6 mile chunks before I felt confident enough to pursue double digits. It took one person to believe in me and tell me I could do it while running that 10 miles along side me, pacing me, to convince me I was capable. Once I hit that 10 miles, my confidence rose so much I felt like I could conquer any distance with the right mindset.

So, how do you start inching up your mileage?

Slow Pace: while you may be able to do 3-5 miles at a faster pace, as you add on you want to slow your pace down. When you slow your pace down you aren’t stressing your body out which means you can run further and further without over-exerting. Your beginning pace should be aerobic and allow you to hold conversations easily without feeling out of breath. If you’re feeling good it means it is easier to pick up your pace at the end of the run and finish stronger instead of going out full force and bonking a few miles in.

Flatter Trails: Instead of focusing on elevation gain and a lot of vertical, as you are adding mileage you should focus on trying to stay low and focus on just that: distance. Working in runs focused solely on climbing or speed is also necessary, but allowing your long runs to be just that: long, is really helpful and your body will appreciate it!

Mid-Run Fueling: when you start upping your mileage you need to become much more mindful of your caloric intake during your runs. By rule of thumb you should be taking in 200-300 calories/ hour. As REI.com states, “the exact number of calories depends on several factors, including the length and intensity of your run and your body type: A larger person will likely need more calories per hour than a smaller person. Likewise, someone doing a very strenuous run will need more calories per hour than someone doing a short, easy run.” You will learn what foods your body is able to handle as you begin adding on mileage as well as what it feels like to “bonk”. If you are starting to feel fatigued, clumsy or emotional: it’s time to sip more water and eat something!

Positive Self-Talk: If you go out saying “I can’t hit 10 miles” you probably wont. Our mental self-talk is so important and it is crucial when you’re going further and further. If you can tell yourself, “I am going to be out here for two hours,” you are more likely to be successful. You’ve already prepared yourself for how long you’ll be running and any walls you face within your run, you can talk yourself through. You can break your runs down into 30 minutes segments or by mileage: 2-2-2-2-2 =10. Sometimes giving yourself benchmarks is what it takes, even if that is just telling yourself to get to the next cactus or trail post. Telling yourself you can do this, even if you are having a hard time believing it is so important – even outloud! Give yourself those words of encouragement loud and proud.

Training Partners: nearly everything is better together and that is no different when it comes to long runs. When you’re uppingyour mileage it is so helpful to have friends out there along side you, cheering you on, helping you through the discomfort and the walls you may hit along the way. It is also helpful to have a “rabbit” — someone who is a bit ahead of you so that you have someone to follow after if you’re going through a tough patch. Being able to feed off of other peoples energy can be extremely valuable because lets face it, when you start passing that 5 mile mark, things can be a struggle. Muscles hurt, things chafe, your mind can really fight what you’re doing and having support through those moments is a game-changer. However, getting to the point where you can support yourself in these long runs is important too — getting to know yourself and in your own mind is super valuable if you consider racing or want to pursue hitting trails solo, you’ll know how to tackle your blocks internally and your confidence in your own abilities will continue to grow.

Weekly Goals: say hello to my favorite feature on strava. Setting goals allows me to hold myself accountable by setting weekly mileage goals or time goals. If I plug in that I am aiming for 30 miles during the week, it will subtract the distance I do each day, letting me know how close I am to hitting that goal by the end of the week. It lights a fire within me to reach it without any other outside influence. I also really enjoy going out for time-focused runs as those are great for getting your body adjusted to being up and moving for that long. Your feet need to adjust to taking that kind of pounding for hours too! The more time you spend running, the stronger and more prepared your body (and mind) will become.

Two-A-Days: Sometimes breaking things down into smaller chunks is the way to go, as trailrunnermag.com states, “as your volume climbs, it’s more difficult mentally and physically to get all of your running done at once. So use the time you have—run in the morning, then again at lunch or after work. Even better: run commute to work in the morning and evening. Many professional runners throughout history have run twice a day for many reasons, including somewhat controversial ones like optimizing natural hormone production. But stripped down to their essence, double runs allow you to add more stress without the injury risk that consistent longer runs entail.”

I’ve always been on the more cautious side as I’ve upped my mileage, preferring to take it little by little instead of large jumps in distance to protect myself from injury or overworking muscles that aren’t used to so much volume. Playing it conservatively, in my opinion, means I will be healthier and able to do this for longer! It may seem tough to follow your own pace and listen to your body instead of doing (or wanting to do) what everyone else seems to be doing around you, but I promise, if you listen, your body will tell you what it is ready for. There is a difference between discomfort and pain as well. One is temporary as you are in the moment, the other is telling you, “hey this is an injury”. Being able to determine what your body is telling you is extremely important as you start adding on. “Is your body dehydrated? Heat-exhausted? Just sore? Is something really wrong?” Your mind will always try to stop you before your body will and knowing what you can safely and healthily push through and what you need to stop for is key. Adding on 2-3 miles at a time, I think, is a great goal. You may find that that is too much and you need more time or that you can add a little more volume. It also really just depends on the day and how strong you feel! Allow yourself to be just where you are and you will find: this sport has so much to show you about yourself and your capabilities!

I’m nervous to join group outings…is it worth it?

I’ve been avidly exploring the outdoors for nearly 5 years and I will admit, at least 3.5 of them I sought out being alone most of the time. I loved the solitude, I didn’t have to bend to anyone else’s schedule, pace, time frame. I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable in silences or worry I wasn’t saying enough or too much. I didn’t have to do a trail I didn’t want to do. I could go out in any condition I wanted. I truly, fully enjoy my own company and I had told myself: this is good enough for me. I convinced myself this was just me in my truest form: a lone wolf that was independent and didn’t need anyone else. And while I still love my solitude and am very independent….I have learned that community….is literally everything AND I had just been afraid to reach out and form connections with women because…it is scary, the risk of being rejected or it not being a good experience. Let’s face it, in our pasts, we may have had bad experiences try to “fit in” or connect with other females. And truly: I think female connection is the most powerful thing on the entire planet.

When I look around I see groups everywhere: on Facebook, MeetUp, through local businesses and organizations. What drives us to seek this out? What value does it bring us? Biologically we’ve been in groups for centuries but since I’m not a history buff I will share my personal thoughts that stem from seeking out female outdoor companions and ending up forming our own small weekly group.

About a year ago I felt like something was missing from my life: connection. I had gone through a traumatic experience and I found, while I needed healing I also craved the community of other females. I have close girl friends but I was used to spending my time alone or one-on-one, groups weren’t really in my comfort zone and made me socially anxious. I started saying yes to meeting up with new ladies I felt in my gut I would connect with and little by little…those girls would bring a friend and I would find myself in a small group that felt…safe. We’d get into conversations that would only happen in the wilderness: with no barriers up, no masks and so much vulnerability. I thrived after those days out, sharing and exploring. This blossomed into more and more experiences that weren’t alone that I valued so much I couldn’t believe I hadn’t done this sooner.

I had wanted to go to a group trail run but was intimidated to go by myself (because…so many strangers that were probably better and faster than me) when one of my friends offered to go with me. When we went, my anxieties and fears of a group of strangers began to wash away. Having one person offer helped me break down a barrier I’d had up for quite some time. We started running together and soon we realized, how many other females must feel this way? Nervous. Intimidated. Uncertain. We wanted to empower and encourage other women just like us, who truly were feeling fulfilled and capable and confident because of being together.

The first week it was three of us simply meeting at a well-known trailhead to do a small run. We knew each other well, we hit the trails and talked as the sun rise came up and celebrated after with coffee and donuts for a belated birthday. THIS. We needed this to become a tradition.

The next week there were five women….then seven….then nine. What is coming from this group we knew we needed but didn’t know would be so enthusiastically sought out? Maybe you’ve been wanting to go out and join one of the group meet ups or ask to join some ladies or invite other ladies to join but are too nervous to do so. Maybe you’re wondering… what is there for me to truly gain from being a part of a group? Especially of all women?

Authenticity. Connection. Accountability. Growth. Goals. Support.

Authenticity — It can be hard to reach out and ask to join something or invite others to join You. It takes so much to put yourself out there and take the risk. We come out here with the simple goal to spend time with females who love pushing themselves and getting outdoors. Showing up exactly as you are and meeting new ladies that you can learn from and lean on. It’s an open invite and welcoming people warmly is the most important thing.
Connection — there is no better place to make deep connections than in nature. Setting up this group, it was destined to bring genuine, deeper discussions that fosters bonds that go beyond a “hey how are you?” kind of talk. Instead of feeling like a “lone wolf” you feel like you’re a part of something bigger, where everyone wants you there and you belong. Belonging is essential to us. We need love, we need to be heard. We need to be seen.
Accountability — Having a set day every week makes it easy to get into a routine. There is also a slight amount of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) that can come up if you think of backing out because honestly, seeing everyone together with coffee and donuts after makes it worth it. It means you are expected and wanted to show up and therefore, you begin to hold yourself to the accountability of attending. It feels good. You feel good. It’s a win win.
Growth — You’re guaranteed an hour of exercise and honestly, seeing each other push themselves, hearing what other people are pursuing winds up inspiring others to set their own goals, reach for new ones and achieve things they didn’t think they could. As I like to say, “it takes ONE person to tell you you’re capable, for you to start believing it”. Having a group of cheerleaders makes you feel like you can truly do anything. Watching multiple ladies say “I’m want to hit my first half marathon, this is my first five miles, I want to run my first race, this wouldn’t be happening without you all” — that is everything.
Support — Creating these bonds means you can struggle and share, ask for advice, ask for comfort and naturally people will reach out to be there for you. They want to support your goals, your achievements, your struggles and challenges. There is nothing more powerful than having people accept you and show you they are there for you no matter what.

We are all looking for some sort of connection and in this group, it is happening. If you’ve ever considered attending a group meetup for hiking or running, please go. Go and put yourself out there. Try the new sport. Go to the painting class. Learn the new language. Reach out to the girls you want to join in the outdoors. Foster the connection because so much growth and good comes from it.

Do you have any experiences from joining these groups outside that have made you better or have become huge positives in your life? Please share!

The Post-Racing Blues… is this what I’m feeling?

I really want to use my blog to give tips, tricks and to also share the REALness that I experience as I am growing in this sport of trail running. It is not always easy, the miles aren’t always effortless and sometimes, things get hard….really hard. I want to share and diminish stigma that is connected to some of the topics I come head to head with and the Post-Race Blues happens to be one of them.

Saturday I ran my first ever trail marathon race with Desert Dash Trail Races in Nevada and when I crossed the finish line I felt good. I felt proud and sore and aching but overall, happy — the emotion I had expected to feel. But as the day went on and we drove the 3.5 hours back to Arizona I began to feel…heavier. This continued as I drove the 2 hours more back to my home and once I stepped foot into my apartment those feelings of elation had diminished. I found myself voicing to my boyfriend that I was feeling depressed and to be honest, I have had some heavy feelings weighing on me to begin with (I’m coming up on my 1 year anniversary for the traumatic situation that led to my PTSD). HOWEVER, I had worked so hard to get to this race, to feel those sore muscles, to hold the medal at the finish line. Why did I feel so OPPOSITE of overjoyed?

Sunday I didn’t want to much of anything, I felt groggy, slow and exhausted. These tendencies match up with how I feel when I’m struggling with bouts of anxiety and depression and being able to label this has somewhat helped. I let myself lie around, nap, did some light stretching and just tried to be gentle with myself but still…the blues were hanging over my head. I found myself researching, “is it common to feel depressed after a race?” And you know what? It is. *Queue the weight dropping off my shoulders*

TrailNerd has the best example for what I’m feeling as they share, “After a long bout with huge spikes in excitable hormones like adrenaline and norepinephrine as you might experience in the 10, 12, 18, 30 hours of an ultra, there has got to be some physiological payback. It’s like taking your favorite t-shirt that you wear gently every day, and sending it through an industrial car wash over and over again. That t-shirt is going to display some obvious signs of wear and stress and fatigue, both visibly in color as well as below the surface in the strength of the fibers and the resilience of the cloth. Your body, after an ultra, has a massive spike in all kinds of “bad” things like cortisol, cytokines, other stress hormones. Those, coupled with a change in training load (like maybe down to zero for many days in a row), are going to have an effect on your general state of wellbeing.” Wow. This makes so much sense. I have put my body through an industrial car wash of hormone manipulation, obviously this is going to mess with my overall wellbeing for a bit. While I had run a “fun run” trail marathon, it is different when it is in a “race” setting. You don’t stop and relax at the aid stations like you can with your friends on a Sunday. You have people running up behind you, passing you, you are running up on others…this can be exhilarating but also stressful. You’re exposed to the elements while also trying to push yourself because….this is the playing field where you do try to press just a bit harder than you would during a casual run. AKA: A lot of different elements that are going to over-exert, over-stimulate and most likely, deplete your body.

Trail Runner Magazine has an article that talks all about this and how it is very common for athletes and yet hardly ever talked about. This consistently blows my mind that so many will face these feelings, struggle through them and never open up and share with others about it, meaning…you just face it alone. This should not be the case, for anyone, at all. TRM states:

Post-race blues could involve situational depression, with the blues developing at least partially in reaction to an outside stimulus like a poor race or injury. Situational depression is semi-controversial because it doesn’t meet some of the requirements of clinical depression, but as described by the Atlantic article, it can lead to that outcome for some people.

It could be related to the “arrival fallacy,” a term coined by positive psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar in his book Happier, where reaching a long-term goal reduces happiness levels since the “atmosphere of growth” was what mattered most all along.

It could be a combination of psychological principles, a type of post-achievement let-down where reaching a goal moment leads to a loss of purpose that manifests similar to other depressive episodes. ESPN described it as Post-Race Let Down, or PRLD. Google “post-achievement depression” and you’ll see 94,000 hits of people with similar experiences in wildly different parts of life.

Perhaps there is an evolutionary reason. You don’t want to get complacent after killing the antelope, because the lion could be coming any moment.

Maybe it’s biological. Hard events release the stress hormone cortisol, affecting homeostasis in the endocrine system.

It could be genetic, involving a family history of clinical depression. It could be hormonal, stemming from a lack of endorphins in the days following an event. Or it may just be a byproduct of trying to get by in a complicated world.

For me, this is the foundation I use to check-in with my body. Where are these feelings stemming from? Where am I feeling these emotions in my body? I immediately resonate with the “arrival fallacy” term along with the post achievement depression term. I also highly feel the lack of endorphins and how much stress and energy doing something likes this takes from your body. I feel my heaviness in my eyes, my head feels a bit foggy and I feel somewhat disconnected from the things happening around me. I tend to feel a bit more reclusive and giving energy to others around me is very challenging to do. I need the time and space to recharge and get back to “me”.

I feel like these “Post Race Blues” are completely relatable for other things as well: the big trips we plan for the year that come and go, completing your first big summit, completing an epic thru-hike. The ends of things we build up to can be really hard to process (yet these emotions aren’t always talked about with others). So how do you handle them? Trail Runner Magazine gives great guidelines:

Talk to someone about it: share how you’re feeling with others and you may realize they have felt the same way and you’re not alone and at the least, you’ll find comfort in not just dwelling in your own head. Talking to a professional is also VERY highly recommended for anything coming up*
Let your body recover: racing and pushing our limits with our physical bodies is a form of trauma. It maxes out our hormones, breaks down our muscles, causes inflammation and can effect the endocrine system — all to achieve our goals. Our bodies also deserve the REST needed after to get back into tip top shape.
Process Over Results: Results are now behind you, a brief moment in a long life. It’s OK to care about results to add meaning and purpose to the life process, but to put them on a pedestal is almost always a mistake setting you up to have the arrival fallacy give you a rude awakening. I have seen athletes win some of the biggest races in the world, and post-race blues come for them just like they come for all of us. There is no result that will ever satisfy the achievement monster lurking in most of us.

They also give a great tip to write out affirmations for yourself: “I am enough” or “I am freaking awesome” or “I love me some me.” If you’re in the midst of post-race blues, you might not believe it right this second. But hopefully, with some time, you will soon be able to see just how true those statements are.

TrailNerd suggests the work of “mentally re-framing the whole situation: those “bad” stress hormones that pile up after an event? It’s probably better to think of them as recovery hormones. They are what your body is doing to repair what you just endured.”

Learning more about this term and that I’m not crazy thinking I’m feeling out of sorts seemingly “out of the blue” has helped a lot to remind me, I’m just doing my best and I’m human and so many others feel what I’m feeling right now and maybe just don’t voice it. You’re not alone either and if this resonates with you, I hope these tips and little ways of analyzing what is happening in your body helps!

How Running Is Helping Me Tackle PTSD

Last year on May 1st, I faced a life-altering experience. An experience that led me to my first trip to the ER, my first IVs, my first near death experience, my first loss, my first ambulance ride and my first surgery. It was a day I will never forget. A day that still rocks me to my core. It led to PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (I highly recommend reading up on this as it effects many more people than you think, and it may be someone you love dearly).

How does trauma and PTSD affect a person? Psychology Today states, “Many individuals who have survived severe events can talk about what they experienced and hold tremendous insight into how it affects them, yet they still do not feel any better. So many of us are walking around with an activated body with no cognition to make sense of it. Traditional methods of such as talk therapy and pharmaceutical intervention often fall short in fully treating trauma. The lack of mind-body connection in conventional treatment is why many traditional talk therapies often fail.”

Once I was home from the hospital I didn’t feel like myself. I couldn’t do much of anything for two weeks, the pain and hormones were overwhelming. My body hurt, my mind was consumed, everything felt…heavy. Heavier than I had ever felt in my entire life. That heaviness held on for days….then weeks…then a month. I got through my days hardly functioning, hardly talking to anyone else, hardly able to keep myself afloat. The strange thing about PTSD is that every single moment feels like a land mine, waiting to set off your anxieties and emotions. Instead of risking stepping on one, I would turn inwards. I became even more of a hermit, as I am a pretty big introvert as it is. Groups made me nervous, the idea of being around strangers made me quake. I felt disconnected from nearly everything and everyone. I was angry, sad, depressed, confused…I was grieving and mourning and terrified. Nothing made sense anymore and it became a downward spiral for my own health.

By June, I sought out a trauma-focused therapist. We began working through my symptoms, my triggers, my childhood. I cried more than I had ever cried, I felt things I had never allowed myself to feel. I unearthed a lot of my own truths I didn’t even know existed. It is scary. It is humbling. It is eye-opening to face your real self and come to terms with things you’ve lost, things you need to let go of and the ways you’ve coped for so long…it felt normal, but not healthy.

As I delved into therapy, we began running more. The more I ran, the more I felt….alive. Free? Unburdened? Everything. I felt everything. Running became my source of truth. It opened me up and allowed me to be vulnerable when I tried to resist and bury it down. When I went out, I would feel my breath quicken, which brought on panic attacks. I would begin to cry on the trail, being completely ambushed by emotions I wasn’t facing. Soon, I’d have to train myself that my faster breathing while running wasn’t panic, it was work…and I had to learn the difference. I had to re-teach my body and my mind that I was safe. I had to learn how to regain my own body’s trust. It was like holding a child’s hand while crossing a very busy street. Over and over and over again. Sometimes this child still pops up. My fear of a panic attack still bubbles to the surface, especially when I’m running at elevation. The tightness in my throat and chest as my body works to gain more oxygen actually makes my body feel like I am out of control and in danger. It takes a lot of learning about myself to realize how to recognize and calm these triggers. Psychology Today directly comments on these sensations saying, “while running an individual can experience an increased heart rate, difficulty breathing, discomfort in the stomach and overall muscle tension. These feelings are also common experiences of the trauma survivor. In teaching the body that it can experience these sensations, while staying safe and in control the individual can help work through these previously stuck sensations and help the body restore to a balanced state.”

Psychology Today wrote an article about how running may help address psychological and emotion wounds, which I quoted above. How does running fit into the healing process? PT states, “Research has started to demonstrate that aerobic exercise not only increases levels of serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, which are important neurotransmitters involved in thoughts and emotions but that it may also combat the effects of stress and anxiety on the brain. The body’s natural opioids and endocannabinoids, which are responsible for experiencing a sense of euphoria and well-being, sedation, anxiolytic (anti-anxiety) effects as wells a decreased sensitivity to pain are also found to be released during aerobic exercise (Portugal et al., 2013). You can imagine why naturally triggering these neurochemicals could be important for any of us, especially those of us carrying a trauma story.”

This is what running has become to me, a moving meditation. My feet rhythmically striking the ground over and over. My breath repeatedly moving in and out, in and out. The air is fresh, nature surrounds me…I don’t hide away from struggles, I run through them. I face them head on, I feel what comes and I let it go. I leave those heavy emotions on the trail behind me and with every mile I am becoming a stronger, more grounded version of myself. Marrying therapy and running together for me has been profoundly healing. I have gone from struggling to run 2 miles to hitting 26.2. I only run on trails and I feel like this has impacted me greatly. You have to face steep climbs, rocky descents, animals, flowing water, pokey plants, bad weather…you face it all. Every trail I am on teaches me something new about myself. Sometimes they make me dig deep into my own struggles, sometimes on the flat trails I have more time to reflect and think. Other times they make my heart feel like it may burst, they lead to singing, shouting, laughing out loud…and sometimes crying. It is the most freeing and truly vulnerable space I have outside of my therapists office. It is the most safe place I have ever found. It allows me to be, to feel, to face…whatever I need. I am still healing. I am not recovered. I feel a lot of deep emotions and after effects to this day. I am continuously unearthing things that feed into the triggers I have had. I am continuously growing and humbling and peeling off layers of myself that don’t serve me and don’t better me.

**IF you feel like you may also be facing PTSD, I highly recommend you seek out a trauma-specialized therapist to speak to. I highly recommend every person speak to a professional as nothing has been more profound for me than taking that step. I highly recommend you put YOU first and take care of your mental health as much as you take care of your physical body.

Trail running recovery tips that will keep you on the move

Being active, whether it is lifting weights in the gym, going to yoga sessions or hitting the trails, is a lot of work. Your body will feel and recover differently based on the activities you partake in. One thing I’ve noticed is that many people don’t realize just how much energy and strength trail running takes! Balancing on loose terrain, pushing your body up and down trails and being out in the elements is a completely different type of workout that will leave your body aching, tight and sore in ways you may not be accustomed to.

So how do you recover from a trail run? I’ve found there are quite a few things that make recouping more manageable so that I can consistently hit the trails without them taking a serious hit on my muscles.

Epsom salt – I take baths with Epsom salt religiously now, probably 3-4 times a week if we are being honest. I am sore in one place or another regularly and soaking in salt for 20+ minutes makes a difference. Epsom salt baths aid in the absorption of magnesium and helps to reduce muscle pain, soreness, bruising and strains. I add roughly 2 cups to my bath and just relax.

Foam rolling + stretching – There’s nothing I dread more but absolutely need more than stretching and foam rolling. My psoas and IT bands get absolutely wrecked running and I fear how tense my muscles are when I attempt to roll out. But once I’m done, I feel nearly brand new. Being consistent with rolling and stretching is key to being able to stay consistent. Massage sticks, foam rollers and balls that help with trigger points in deeper tissue are a must. Don’t know where to start with positions to roll out? Here is a good source focused on runners’ needs! Stretching is also very important to implement. Muscles get so tight and won’t work properly if they aren’t given the attention they need. Here are a few great stretches you can incorporate into your days to keep your body moving smoothly!

Runners High Herbals – This is a local AZ company that is changing my running game one oil and rub at a time. Runners High Herbals uses ingredients that are wild-harvested (in a sustainable manner) and/or organic; and free of GMOs, gluten, synthetic perfumes and dyes, parabens, and un-natural preservatives. They have a line utilizing hemp (CBD) that I swear by. I use their Super Herb Plus roll on oil and their Some Like It Hot balm for pre and post runs. The balm is spicy and I use it on my sore, achy areas to relieve pain, inflammation and irritation. The oil I rub on any muscles that are feeling strained or overused.

Massages – Massages may be a little pricier and I don’t do them nearly as much as I should but they save my life every time. Getting deep into the tissues and releasing built up toxins and fluids is so important for running. They recommend you come every 2-3 weeks, especially if you’re extremely active in the sport. Common styles of massages for runners are deep tissue massages that target superficial and deep muscle layers and fascia with deliberate, focused, sometimes intense work, Swedish massages for big competition days, recovery after hard workouts and pre-race, Active Release Technique (A.R.T.) for injury focused work and Trigger Point massages for injury work on IT band tightness, calf strains and hamstrings.

Eating – Fueling up for recovery is essential! According to REI journal, post run should be fueled by foods high in protein while hydrating with electrolytes. High protein post run will help your muscles rebuild tissues and simply recover from the hard work you’ve put in. Electrolytes (like Salt Stick) will help replace the sodium and potassium that you lost while you exerted so much effort. I’m all about my food intake and can feel how hungry I am after a big, exhausting run. Usually I will crave a lot of vegetables (greens are harder to get on the trail) and something hardy like a big burger.

Staying active – the first thing you may think to do when you’re feeling really sore and achy is to not continue moving. DOMs (delayed onset muscle soreness) can feel brutal and the last thing you want to do is move some more. However, that may hinder your body from healing properly. Active Recovery, aka gentle movement, allows the muscles to gradually slow down, keep working and then start to repair so you are ready to go when you ask your body to do something again. This may be through biking, walking, light hiking, swimming or yoga (my favorite). Yoga tends to be my go-to active recovery method because it not only helps my body heal but also soothes my mind and continues to help me train my breathing techniques. I get a lot out of my yoga practice and it shows when I hit the trails if I am being consistent or not. Recovery does also include rest days and low effort days, but completely taking the foot off the pedal may be more of a negative than a positive!

So you want to day hike/run the Grand Canyon….

*the national park does not recommend day hiking to the river and back and highly suggests camping at the bottom for one night instead. But, if you’ve got a crazy hair like me and enjoy challenging yourself or have been considering this for awhile….continue reading!

The Grand Canyon is one of my favorite places I have ever been. It took me three years of living here in Arizona to get there for the first time, just hiking along the rim at the North Rim. I saw down into its vastness and internally, I felt an urge begin to rise. I wanted to experience the canyon, not from up overhead like this, but from way way down in its depths. After that, there was no stopping me from my first experience hiking down into the canyon and out in a day.

What does it take to be able to go down into the canyon? Not nearly as much as it takes to get back out of the canyon. One of the biggest things to realize first and foremost is that the canyon is at an elevation gain, even the bottom of the Grand Canyon along the Colorado River is at 2400ft. in elevation, while the South Rim sits at 7000 feet and the North Rim at 8000 feet! When you tackle the canyon, you should try to allow yourself time to acclimate to the elevation gain if you can. Even staying at a higher altitude the night before is helpful. Also be prepared for the air in the canyon: humidity usually ranges from 10 to 30%.

So how do you prepare? Try to hike at higher elevations if at all possible before you go into the canyon. Walk on an incline on a treadmill or stairmaster if you aren’t able to get outside and do hikes with elevation gains and add weights if possible (weight your pack while hiking or carry dumbbells on the treadmill/stairmaster). These practices will help your body strengthen along with adjusting to carrying weight while going uphill. Strength train to prepare as well: training legs will make your base that much stronger while training back and arms will make carrying a pack (if you’re hiking) more doable. Also consider time to prepare: some people will want to train for a few weeks, others a few months, it will truly depend on your starting point of fitness.

Things to consider:

Water — some trails have water access, some don’t. Researching ahead of time is really important and being able to prepare properly is key. Lifestraws are a high recommendation for the trails.

Temp — the rim will be cooler than what you’ll meet when you get down to the river. Look up weather at the rim and also at Phantom Ranch to get a good gauge of how it will be — then you can properly pack layers, a hat, sunscreen, a buff, a windbreaker, etc. Heat will make the canyon much harder to handle since many portions of the trails are exposed (especially on the South Rim as the North Rim does get cooler).

Shoes — make sure you are wearing shoes that are broken in and comfortable that you know don’t blister you, give you hotspots or irritate in any way. This will make your experience that much better as losing toenails and climbing out with blisters is not fun (trust me!)

Snacks — you need proper hydration and energy when you are tackling this gorgeous place. Your body works hard and you need to be able to sustain your energy to properly get yourself down and out in one piece! Salty snacks and electrolytes are major go-tos for me.

Your Clothes — it is not a bad idea to wear clothes that you know will not chafe you, rub you in the wrong ways or are not made for the conditions you are going in — try to match your gear up as well as you can to the type of weather you will be facing. Go on hikes or runs in the gear you want to wear so you know you won’t have issues as you go!

Your abilities — be open and honest with yourself about how much you can take on. How are your knees? Ankles? How is your cardio? How is your heart rate? How strong are you mentally and physically? I recommend trekking poles if you do need the extra assistance taking pressure off your knees and any braces you may need for runners knee or IT band, ankle support, etc. The main rule of the canyon is, if you go below the rim you have to be able to get yourself out. Don’t under-prepare or overshoot your own abilities — take on as much as you know you are able to take on and continue to build over time! The canyon has been there for millions of years, it won’t be going anywhere any time soon!

Breaks — allow yourself time to stop and catch your breath when needed. The canyon is steep and rigorous and your heart rate will rise, especially with the thinner air at elevation. Be mindful, not prideful — allowing yourself a few minutes to reset yourself can help you to feel brand new.

Injury — bring a tiny first aid kit at the least. You never know if you’ll take a tumble and having alcohol swabs, bandaids, athletic tape, etc will be a blessing in disguise.

My first hike down into the canyon was a day hike from South Kaibab to Bright Angel. Taylor and I were in decent shape, hiked often and thought — why not! Nothing can prepare you for how mentally challenging the Grand Canyon is. The hike down (about 7 miles) was beautiful. The first view of the river had us both elated and in awe. We were ecstatic crossing the bridges, seeing the river up close and just being down there — we’d MADE it. Well, not quite. Starting the ascent back up to the Bright Angel trailhead was very challenging. With every rest break, lactic acid would make our legs heavy and even more sore. We leaned on our trekking poles for dear life, willing them to pull us up the 2.5 miles of switchbacks to the top. It was 18 grueling miles and we waddled around to the busses in the most pain. Joyous pain. Our feet pulsed, swollen, numb. All of our energy was completely sucked dry from our bones. But we looked at each other and smiled, completely drunk on the fact that we had DONE it.

After that, I took up trail running and the canyon became an entirely new playground. Nothing is as exhilarating as running down into the canyon. Some things to keep in mind with running into the canyon are: water sources, energy sources, staying injury free and being very aware of trail conditions and surroundings (we ran into rock slides yesterday), how technical the trail is — some are more primitive than others! Know if you will be around many other people or not (is this really well traveled– like Bright Angel, or less traveled?), always bring a headlamp because you never know how things will go.

Running the canyon is a very different experience: your pack is smaller, you have to operate more efficiently, you have to be able to handle the mileage and elevation declines and gains in one push, you mentally have to be stronger than the pain your body will face — because it will get uncomfortable, promise. There are many points I would suggest testing out if you want to get a taste (Skeleton Point, Indian Gardens) these points don’t take you all the way down to the river and give you a sampler on how steep the canyon is and if your body is ready/prepared to take a day trip on!

The canyon has many trails to choose from and there will be technical bits to all of them — ranging from easier to very challenging and your trail running shoes should reflect the amount of technicality you are going to face. Set yourself up to feel good, not roll ankles or have pain in your arches, etc.

Make sure you are dressed to not overheat or run too cold or you may be in for a miserable time in the canyon as well. Once you start running, your body will heat up to about 10 degrees warmer than what it is like outside, so preparing for this is key. I always start wearing a pair of gloves and a headband or beanie and can easily shed these as my body warms up — I am sensitive to the cold and this is an easy way for me to regulate my temp in seconds.

What has helped you prepare for challenging hikes/runs with a lot of elevation gain?

Getting Mentally Tough With Every Mile

I get asked “why” I run all the time. The first thing that comes to mind for me is because I love being outside and now, I get to see way more in a shorter amount of time! But even deeper than that is that trail running has made me so, so, so much tougher. Mentally, I am able to accept things, logically face things and come up with solutions when previously, I would crumble, hold things internally and let them effect me very deeply. Mental toughness is a quality that can be molded, like a beautiful piece of pottery, over time. What does it take to start working on your mental toughness? Discomfort.

“Pain, it only hurts”

-ultra-running legend Scott Jurek

Like distanceathletics states, “the majority of DNF’s don’t come from an unbearable source of pain. And the don’t come from injury. They come from the runner, slowly, and skillfully, talking themselves out of the race. The just don’t want to be there anymore, and they tell themselves whatever is necessary to end the experience with honor. Or just to end it.”

The hard, uncomfortable situations are what truly shape us and force us to grow. Those moments when chafing begins to sting, sweat gets into the burns and you want to immediately throw in the towel. The times when your calves, hip flexors, knees and ankles are screaming at you to end the movement, to stop the climbs, to quit bombing down the steep hills. When you’re hiking and it starts to rain and you’re cold, tired and discouraged. When you fall and cut your shins or palms or forearms open and everything hurts. Those hikes where the climbs just keep coming and it will never end. When hot tears hit your face because lets face it… pushing ourselves isn’t easy and it brings up every emotion possible. Things get raw. Distractions aren’t readily available. Going into the “pain cave” is….inevitable.

Distanceathletes again say it perfectly, “Those moments where everything is moving fast and your heart is slamming into your chest and you’re asking yourself whether you can hang on-that is living. In this moment you are in your element. You are a strong and powerful human being, testing and exploring the outer ranges of your physical and mental capabilities. Where else would you rather be?”

When you are facing obstacles, getting gritty and feeling pain…that is living. Grinding through these experiences makes us into a stronger, more courageous, more capable person. Mental toughness translates to most every aspect of your life: your ability to handle hard news, tough situations, impossible seeming setbacks, stress, doubt…the list goes on. Mental toughness gives us the tools to wrap our minds around obstacles to see the other end, that we can endure hard things and come out still fighting.

When I think of practicing mental toughness — yes, practicing — I am in the midst of learning how to be out running for hours at a time. If you are beginning your trail running adventures, you can start by saying, “I’m going to be out here for 45 minutes” then, “I’m going to be out here for an hour”…then two, three, four hours. This practice of just having radical acceptance really shifts things. “I am going to be out here for most of my day, this is what I’m doing, this is what is happening”. This means it may be painfully slow, it may feel nearly impossible, but….mentally I am preparing myself that this is what is in front of me.

If the miles feel intimidating what do you do? Break the mileage down into attainable bits. Mile by mile, 5 mile chunks, aid station to aid station, one cactus to the next. Whatever helps you just keep moving forward will continue to help you get stronger. Running truly is a sport of mental strength. Our bodies will keep going as long as our brains tell it to. How amazing is that? It also goes to show how much we influence our own capabilities and perceptions of what we can achieve.

One thing I’ve always loved about my time with Lululemon was that they always always had you write down your dreams and goals and then identify your WHY. The same goes for any sport you take on: why are you doing this? Why are you training? Why are you signing up fo the race? Is it to work towards a milestone of health, is it for the accolades, is it to become elite at the sport, is it because you are passionate about the activity, is it to raise awareness for a cause, is it is for the sole purpose of testing your limits? Maybe a mix of all of them, but truly know your “why”, dig deep and when things get dark….remind yourself of it. Over and over and over again.

I think it can be so easy to lose sight of what got us into something for US, that we focus on everything and everyone else and what they are doing around us. It takes away from our ability to feel joy and pride for what WE are accomplishing. It is really important to be able to say “I am so grateful and happy that I am able to be here, experiencing this, with a healthy body.” Mental toughness also means expressing appreciation for our bodies, those that support and encourage us and for nature in general — because if you’re out there, you’re seeing some of the most beautiful areas in the world, end of story.

I know it may sound sugarcoated but trying to keep your mind in a positive place and expressing gratitude along your way will make your experience that much brighter every single time. When you allow your mind to get down, negative and heavy it will stay there and therefore, your experience will become tougher than it already is. I’ve had runs where I focused so much on something (my body in pain, the heat, the elevation gain, my pace) that I didn’t like that it completely clouded the main reason I’m out there: to enjoy the trails, to be in nature and to disconnect and get in tune with ME.

The more we can train our minds, the better we become. The more real we can get with ourselves and the further we can push ourselves. Mental toughness doesn’t happen over night, but it is something that totally changes the game performance-wise and in life!

*all gear worn in images is from RunJanji

* fuel sources are always Salt Stick + Spring Energy

Experiencing A Flash Flood

If you’re anything like me, the term “flash flood” means rapid amounts of water in a very small amount of time occurring right around you, right? Not always. This past weekend I experienced my first flash flood and a flood that didn’t come from immediate rain happening right around me.

National Geographic explains it by saying, “Most floods take hours or even days to develop, giving residents ample time to prepare or evacuate. Others generate quickly and with little warning. These flash floods can be extremely dangerous, instantly turning a babbling brook into a thundering wall of water and sweeping everything in its path downstream.”

Our group decided to go explore Southern Utah this weekend, as the rest of the state of Arizona was getting rain all weekend. After some scouring, the Page area had a little sun emoji for Sunday and we wanted to get in some miles…Page was our saving grace, or so we thought at the time. We camped at Lake Powell, being woken up in the middle of the night to wind so strong it shook the truck-bed we camped in. I sat up, hoping my friends in their tents were still outside as the wind howled around the shell I was safely under. When the sun began to rise, big black looming clouds still hung over the air like sludge.

Slowly, the clouds began to break and shades of orange and pink tinted the sky….soon everything was calm and shining and beautiful. We all smiled, relieved, today was going to be a good day. We hung around the beach, making breakfast and playing with the pups before heading to the trailhead we were going to start from. With one 4×4, a small car and a two-wheel drive truck, we navigated the dirt road that wound down and over a dry wash to the trail. Parking, we all began getting our packs ready and complaining about the strong wind that was still present making us shiver before the adventure.

We got 15 miles in the backcountry, seeing beautiful formations and also a lot of dark, ominous clouds rolling around to the north of us. When we reached the cars, beers were cracked and everyone put their feet up to enjoy the efforts we’d just put in on hills we hadn’t expected to be so steep. The rushing water we had seen to our left when we had gotten to the trailhead was still going strong, beginning to web off into small slews to the right and left of the main force. We began talking about food..burgers…fries…and packed up our things to venture back to town for our reward.

We reached the wash and…no road crossing. Where there had been nothing but dry rock and sand before, there was now rushing water with small rapids and mud so thick it was like a porridge. We all tried to make light of the situation as we began to accept we were stranded with no way across. The water was reaching chests, high thighs, with zero visibility to the bottom. Calls began to be made, what can we do? What are our options? We are stuck, can we get out ourselves?

The firefighters wouldn’t come because it wasn’t their jurisdiction, the national forest service didn’t have the resources to assist, the deputy gave us the weather forecast and told us that we had two options: wait it out for the water to dry out or helicopter out. How did we get here?

Well, flash floods don’t mean immediate rainfall happening right in front of your eyes all the time. Rain had fallen hours north of us the day and night before our adventure, so, while the wash was empty when we began our run, those rains had been filling and flowing down the wash for miles over hours and hours to reach where we were. In an instant it had gone from empty to flowing strongly. We hadn’t known we needed to check the weather forecast for nearly 100 miles around us, we hadn’t known that no rain for our location didn’t mean no risk. Now we do….oh we learned very quickly. National Geographic even states that, “In the United States, where flood mitigation and prediction is advanced, floods do about $6 billion worth of damage and kill about 140 people every year.”

While we weren’t in danger we were still stuck. We had some water, not a ton of food but some…for now. We were more worried for more rainfall overnight or the next day to continue filling this flow. Sticks were placed into the bank to monitor water height which was steadily decreasing as the night went on. By 7, we knew we could get the 4×4 across but were really uncertain about the other two vehicles. We called a tow, driving an hour down to assist us in the night. Once he arrived he pulled the 4×4 across with ease. Next was the two-wheel drive truck, gunning the truck across the first bank which had us flying up to the ceiling as we hooped and hollered by the unexpected strength the little truck had. Everyone was slathered in mud as they got underneath the truck trying to figure out where to hook the chains before the tow began lugging us across to safety. We left the car overnight, desperately needing good sleep a shower. We tried our best to relax and recover and the next morning, returned to find…the water still shin high and flowing. The lip of the bank was broken away and the mud consumed the dry sand and rock we tried to lay down to catch tires. I couldn’t watch as our friend said she was going for it as the water was 3 inches above the body of her car. She was confident, I was bargaining with the Universe to let us successfully get out of there with all of our vehicles in tact. She powered over the first bank and gunned it across the flowing water like nothing was even there — a pro. We were so impressed, relieved and…exhausted.

What I want to say is, flash floods are not uncommon and come in many forms. From slot canyon risks to washes and roads being wiped out…Nature never waits for anyone and it was a beautiful, tough reminder that we don’t control the outdoors, the outdoors controls us. Always do research (even outside of where YOU are for what may effect you). Some signs to look for for a potential flash flood provided by Backpacker.com are:

Check the Weather

Get the forecast for the entire watershed: Storms can trigger floods miles downstream. Recent rains? Be extra alert–saturated soil makes flooding more likely.

Scout for Signs

Water stains on canyon walls and debris lines indicate likely flood sites. Take care in areas with rocky ground that won’t absorb excess runoff.

Watch the River

If water suddenly gets deeper, faster, muddier, or begins carrying twigs, needles, or leaves, get to high ground ASAP. Likewise, head up immediately if you hear the roar of an approaching flood.

I’ve also read that strong winds can indicate flash flooding (another thing to keep an eye on).

We were lucky we had cell service, a shovel, blankets, fire and many basics for being stuck — it is not a bad idea to always have an emergency kit in your vehicle for the just in case situations.

Soon, this can be looked back on as a party story to share and a big learning experience that humbled us all!

5 things I take on Every Trail Run

Hoka One Ones – These are my current trail running shoes and I am obsessed. I have the Hoka Challengers and swear by them. They give my ankles support, I can navigate technical trails and the grip keeps me feeling stable. I’ve put roughly 350 miles on them so far and they haven’t broken down yet. For me this is a huge win since my previous pair – Altra lone peaks with the zero drop, broke down so fast my head spun around. I know this was said to be because they are vegan, but logically, when you’re logging a lot of miles per month and are wanting to be smart with your savings, you don’t want a pair that are going to break down every 2-3 months – those $140-$180 add up fast!

Nathan Sports Pack – Getting a running pack was the best investment (besides my shoes) that I have made. I used to run with my smallish day pack and got by, but once I upped my game and got a pack designed for trail running, I was MUCH happier. Getting a trail running pack means you’re carrying less weight, your bladder fits perfectly along with additional storage space for layers, gloves, flashlight, book…whatever you think you need when you hit the trails. You have small spots for trekking poles, pockets on pockets for hydration sources and fuel (along with car keys!) Having all of these things at your fingertips right at the front of your packet on your chest is a big plus that I didn’t have with a day pack.

Squirrel’s Nut Butter –
image credit: trailmag.co.za

do you have thunder thighs like me? Meet your new best friend. SNB will SAVE your body from chafing. I use their vegan product on my inner thighs and the undersides of my *left arm, yes, just the left, because chafing is weird like that. Their vegan blend is candelilla wax based instead of beeswax based, but they offer that as well. This doesn’t get gross after a few miles, has a nice scent and so far, I’ve only had to apply once or twice even during marathon runs! Just remember, this stuff does get melty when it’s super hot out, so try to keep it out of the sun especially if you’re bringing it with you in your pack or it make leak!

Spring Energy Gels – There are so many fueling options for the trail and I’ve honestly tried…most of them. From Gu gels to bloks and baby food packets, trail mix and protein bars – they all have their time and place. Not that long ago I started seeing Spring Energy all over people’s social media. People were raving about the quality; how natural they taste and how great the ingredient lists are…. I caved and made my first order. Well, now I get it. These gels don’t taste chemical-y, they give me great energy boosts without a crash, and I have yet to “bonk” while using them.

Buff – if you haven’t gotten a buff yet let this be the sign that today is the day! Buffs are the best because they are SO versatile. I use mine when it is extremely hot to block sweat or protect my face and during cold weather to block wind chill and cover my ears and nose when it gets chilly. I pretty much always have one on me and don’t know what I did before I invested in one of these guys.

Honorable mentions: headlamp because you never know where adventures will take you and you should always be prepared! Hydration tablets because electrolytes will be your bestie, especially here in the desert. Some kind of GPS tracking (strava’s Beacon feature, watches like Garmin and Suunto, AllTrails Pro, RouteScout, etc) because getting lost once you’ve been hauling your body around is not ideal!